It took me forever to change the button to the new Shrink-aversary. I hope for the next one that I can remember how its done. That is a thing that comes and goes as we get older - forgetting. Most of my life I have forgotten things that I think I should have remembered, but as I get older, I forget alot more. It does come to me later but I wish it was sooner.
I forgot to weigh on Wednesday, but the new challenge starts today so I weighed in at 170. That is a few pounds up from two weeks ago, but my scale is wacky. I did over eat last week because I am in a funk.

I have a new problem physically. I have had meralgia paresthetica for almost fifteen years now. To put it simply, it's a compressed femoral nerve in my right hip. It usually comes and goes and most of the time I can cope, but now its getting really bad. My right leg is going numb all the way down to my knees and sometimes lower and the burning pain is quite bad. I have been put on nerve pain meds (goodnight, Margie) and have been told that bedrest is best, but we all know that is impossible. I am taking it as easy as I can, but I have to work. That is another thing...it is now coming on when I just stand. After standing for ten minutes, the numbness and burning come on and it is really uncomfortable working - after all, I stand all day.
The doctor seems to think that it could have been the running that made it worse because of the pounding pressure on the hip. The weight doesn't help and that is one of the reasons I need to lose it, but I was heavier before without it getting this bad. Anyway, I am off running and resistance workouts and for right now, I can't even walk.

I guess I will just stick to eating less and that sucks because that is the hardest part of losing weight. But, I am determined to do this. My son had to do an essay for Health class about eating healthy and just the way he worded it made me think that it isn't as hard as I am making it out to be. I just want my cake and cookies and candy and cheeseburgers and milkshakes without paying the price. I will take a lesson from my son and eat healthier. Its a choice, after all, and I can't condemn my ex for not quitting drugs and booze when I can't control what I put in my mouth either. How sad is that?

My son also did another essay about "home" that had me in tears. He has developed an incredible gift of writing. I am sooo proud. I couldn't post it here so here is a link for you to read it at another blog: www.margiesmusings.wordpress.com


Have a Blessed Day.

My new attitude is coming on just in time for the new challenge at the Sisterhood which starts next week. That's a good thing because I sucked on the last challenge and after reading my last post again I can see how sad it sounds. I guess I was having one of those "bloated" days and feeling really disgusted with the girth around the waist, hips and wherever else. I feel better now. My weight hasn't changed since Monday so I am at 167 for this weeks weigh-in.
I didn't lose anything for the challenge, but I will donate some cans of food to the food bank anyway, just 'cause.

For anyone wanting something natural that will help fight off any flu germs coming your way, Dr. Weil says to use 'astragalus'. I found some at Puritan's Pride and ordered it and found out that is also has a great side effect - its a natural appetite suppressant. WooHoo - just in time to help out on my 'Fitness Quest'.

I went to my niece's baby shower yesterday and although it was nice and she looked so cute, there was all the wrong things to eat so guess what. Oh, and before I even got to the shower I went to eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant. The beans tasted different, but, of course, I ate them. I don't know why, but I felt so fat for the rest of the day........kidding....I know why. What I don't know is why in the hell do I keep eating this way and then get mad when the scale tells me the truth. I mean, what is wrong with me? Do I want heart disease and possibly diabetes or all the other stuff that comes with being overweight?

Someone please tell my why do we do this to ourselves. I am so good at telling other people how to do what they need to do, but do I practice what I know to be the right thing to do? After all the money I have spent on pills (that didn't work) and videos (that I don't use) and plans (that worked until I quit), maybe I should use the money on hypnosis or something that might help me change my ATTITUDE or MINDSET!! But I don't because I know that no matter how much money I give to others, the only thing I am helping is their bank account unless I take what I have learned and actually use it.

This is the conversation I have with myself almost every week and where has it gotten me? I am the same weight that I have been for over a year. I go down some and then go back up again because I can't keep my hands off food that I know - I KNOW - is not good for me.

So what can I do now but start over.......again. Once again I say that "this is the day I promise to NOT fail. This is the day that I am pissed off enough at myself to actually STICK TO IT for however long it takes to get to my goal weight and NOT FALL OFF THE PLAN".

Here I go....again. Prayers please.

I am back at 167, which is where I was when I started the last challenge at the Sisterhood. I guess that will have to be okay since 'it is what it is' and I had gained 5 pounds during the challenge. I still think my scale is off or maybe its the house. I can put the scale in different places and it says different things so the house is off kilter.

I was off the running last week. I got headaches again but not from the running itself. I think its my sinus headaches coming back. Time to get the Neti Pot out again. I also was wearing a headband and it was really tight so I had quit using that and the headaches got better. I think I was squeezing my poor brain too tight...lol...those blood vessels need to breathe to work right!! Anyway, I am doing alot of yard work so that is helping burn the calories since we have two acres - that can be alot of work. Plus I got that new Pilates workout with the resistance bands. I really like it.

I made the veggie soup so I now have something to put in my mouth that won't pile on the points and ruin my day. I can eat that when I get hungry and still stay under my points. It is working because I lost the 5 pounds that I had gained. Its a constant struggle but I got myself into this weight so I will get myself out.

I have been on again off again with the running. I got in a good run on Monday and then again on Wednesday, then missed Friday. I think I am going to do this on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Those are the days I don't work at the shop and so I can fit the runs in easier. Its so dark out there at 5:30 am and it scares me. Lots of javelina and coyote and just plain mean dogs in my neighborhood and the javelina already chased me home once (don't want to do that again) so I will run on the days that I don't have to leave for work so early.

Not much else is going on except that I gained another pound. Boo Hoo. I know that it is all my fault and so I am having a serious talk with myself. I bought a bunch of veggies and will make that soup again (we all know what I am talking about and if you don't - ask me). That way I can eat as much as I want and still stay under my points. With that and the running/walking I should lose something by the next weigh-in at the Sisterhood.

Why does it have to be so hard?? I work with this lady (skinny bitch) who can't put any weight on - or so she says (brags). Do I want to be like her?? No, I don't, but I sure would like it if it was easier to lose what I need to lose. I tell myself that there are alot of people out there who are worse off than me and somehow, it doesn't make me feel any better. I have to 'just do it'....so, why can't I? That is the unanswerable question of the year. I know I am not lazy. I guess its just harder for some of us and I need to get my head in the right place. Easier said than done.

Okay, enough whining. I guess I just needed to get it off my very abundant, saggy chest. And so now I am done and ready to go forward. Thanks for listening (reading)....lol.

I am officially off the bench!! At least by the cardiologist. I did the stress test and he said that I did very well. Blood pressure and everything else is fine. He said that I just need to take it a little slower and that made me laugh because I run at a snails pace now so slower would be walking.

Haven't heard from my regular doctor to see if there are any other tests but since the cardiologist said 'go for it' I am going for it. I didn't get the headaches until week 3 of my running program so I am going back to week 2 and see how it goes.

I did the first day of week 2 and it went fine. No headaches - just alot of sweating.

This is funny - the cardiologist asked me if I was short of breath and I had to laugh because I huff and puff all through the run. I know that isn't what he meant, but it struck me as funny. He didn't laugh...oh well.

So, I am back on track and I would never have thought that I would be happy to be running. Me, of all people, unbelievable!!

Well, I have been benched until further notice from running. Boohoo. I was getting headaches when I run for longer than two minutes and they just got worse so I finally went to the doctor and she is ordering tests. I do the tests on Monday so I will post what the results are and hopefully I will be cleared to continue running.

Trouble with the scale this week. I had to reset it and now it tells me that I have gained 5 pounds so I am back up to 169.5. Another Boohoo. I am also weighing with my clothes on now instead of in my birthday suit so it will be the same when I weigh at other places - like the gym - which I haven't been to in ages. I knew I shouldn't have signed that contract. I thought it would make me go more often if I was paying for it....NOT!! Oh yeah, and the doctors scale says more too so I can't get mad at them anymore either. This means that it weighs me in at 173 with my clothes on - triple Boohoo.

I am exercising though, even if its not at the gym. That is a good thing. Now I am back to walking since I can't run. And - get this - I miss running. Never in my life would I have ever imagined that I would like running, much less miss it when I can't do it. Just goes to show that miracles do happen.